I’ve had a little bit of a blip. I’ve blogged about depression before and talked about it many times. And so yes I’ve had a little bit of a blip. I’m saying a little bit because I was still able to function for the most part and I’ve seen the finality of the severe end of the scale and don’t want to diminish the suffering that is happening for the people who are there. But I thought I’d like to describe what it was I went through.
There was no good or beauty in the things I tried to do. Internally all I could see were faults and negatives. I was doing *everything* wrong. I thought I was not up to par in bookings despite the amazing feedback I was getting from clients old and new. I couldn’t shoot new content because I couldn’t see the merit in any photo or video I took. For example I thought the video this still is from was irredeemably awful. I nearly threw it out and it certainly wasn’t useable. I could not see any merit in it at all, the angles were bad, the lighting was awful, I was woeful. (I’ve since edited it and it’s actually one of my favorites!). At work I was presented immaculately and my apartment was sparkling. I smiled and laughed and did actually enjoy myself but I did not have the energy to do this enough. At home my animals were cared for and adored, I was not. I crawled into a puddle and stayed there.
So I want to say thank you to the people around me, family, friends and clients. You do not realise it but you were all, without exception, wonderful. Just by being you with your own ups and downs, highs and lows, laughter and tears. If I ever really need help I have professional support systems in place, so please don’t ever worry and don’t ever feel like you need to treat me differently. I love you all and I’m good now xx