I’m looking at buying a new bed and this is what it’s like buying a bed for work (or should I say fun) that in all likelihood will never be slept on.

I like tufted linen headboards (you know the ones with buttons) but keeping it clean would be impossible. In addition to body fluids there is silicon lube, massage oil, nuru gel and all manner of runny foodstuffs that would get on it.

It can’t be an ensemble base, because I keep lots of things like shoes and plastic for nuru massages under there, but needs to be crazy strong for obvious reasons. My current bed I modified with extra supports and grips to stop it┬ásliding.

I like to have legs or posts that I can tie things to.

I don’t like having a footboard because it makes hanging legs or bodies over the end really uncomfortable.

I like it to be fairly high off the ground so it makes it easier to get on and off for people with limited mobility.

And because I am the ultimate in tight arses when it comes to spending money it can’t be $$$ haha.